i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize