I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
