I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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