Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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