proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
