guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
