he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
