i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
