trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
