I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
