Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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