i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
