My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
