If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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