he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
