The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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