You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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