i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
