They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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