so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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