he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
