Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
