ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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