New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
