matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize