do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
