I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
