Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
