who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
