Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
