and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
