You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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