You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
