so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
