So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
