a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
