AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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