Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
