Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
