Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
