Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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