there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
