If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
