Apparently you make a good broom.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
