I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
