no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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