I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
