i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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