well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
