I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
nutella sex= disaster
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
