so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
