i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
