That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
