dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
