Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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