I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
