she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
