So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
