On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
