Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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