I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
