Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize