upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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