pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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