remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
