Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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