Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
