why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
