i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
