last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
