i already hear my dad disowning me
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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