so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
