making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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