Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
