yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
