You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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