There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
