I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
