you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
