I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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