So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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