STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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