I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
