My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize