I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
